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[02 Nov 2009|05:07pm] Hey I just wanted to say, I'll be updating antitime  from now on. For many reasons, I've left it public. It's going to be written in a more straitforward way than I used to, sorry about that, but I think I need to be  honest with myself, which is why I've started writing in a journal again, amongst other things.   kaybye “the tooth is rotten, yank it out”

Things you hold dear [22 Feb 2008|10:27pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | honey, honey up in the trees, in the doldrums waiting for me... ] ( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. ) 1 tooth collector |“the tooth is rotten, yank it out”

[03 Feb 2008|04:48pm] [ mood | hungry ] [ music | Moby- Lift me up ] There are points in my life where I’m content to just sitting around in an oversized teeshirt and underwear, not talking to anyone, completely alone, just me and the computer. And when I think about it, times like these are some of my happiest. This just goes to prove what a hermit I am without friends, and unattached to reality I can become. I don’t feel like it’s a bad thing. I make really great art when I’m in these kicks, and I write better, and I’m happy not seeing anyone. Genuinely, I am. But I also lose track of time, stay up until ungodly hours and wake up when it’s nearing dark again, skip two or three meals, and become a total reject when people enter the room. Do I really care what people here think? I’m not sure. Art has become more about commercialization and less about sacrifice, more about pretension and less about humility. It’s about loading inhumane amounts of work on people until they have schedules that rival med students (This is not an exaggeration, it is fact.) There are the same groups there were in high school, only now their immaturity’s not granted. This school is divided in half. Normality isn’t socially acceptable. You either are a freak or aren’t one, you can’t be in between. You can’t be in your room 75% of the time, and still be part of the group. When they go get high, you go get high. When they’re drunk, you’re drunk. If they don’t do drugs, you don’t do drugs. End of story. Don’t you know? Don’t you understand that wearing skinny jeans, flesh-colored cowboy boots and misprinted avant-garde shirts doesn’t make you artsy? That toting around a bag with Marilyn Monroe’s face plastered on it fifty times on it doesn’t make you an original? You’re the very thing pop art mocks, not embodies. When I speak to people about these matters, they usually nod and agree, but it’s on a superficial level. They are sympathetic but not empathetic. They’re apathetic but not listless. So where do I fit in? I know I’ll snap out of it in a few days, disconnect myself from the virtual world I’ve deluded myself into thinking is more important, make jokes and be sociable. Everyone will like me, but no one will want to be with me. I’ll make art that is meaningless and in the top percent of the class, but still get the same grades as the middle portion because my bastard teachers know I’m not trying hard. Why would I? This is what I am naturally. This is who I am off of medication, because when I go back on it, I’ll become a completely different version of apathy. An apathy that doesn’t care because it’s too tired to function. A girl with emotions as dynamic as Delaware’s landscape. What is art anyway? Is it really that important? Is my improvement and what makes me happy worth it, when I’m only mediocre and probably always will be? If I never accomplish anything, I don’t think I could forgive myself. For me, that’s the only way to prove my worth. I’m not lazy, I’m just completely focused on an aspect of life 99% of the world finds worthless and a waste of time. 3 tooth collector s|“the tooth is rotten, yank it out”

:D [19 Dec 2006|06:31pm] Warning: Parannoyance contains swearing, ranting, annoying linguistic issues, bitching, angsting, bloody manatee fingers, suggestiveness, stupidity, poor grammar, general bullshitting, violence, unleashed animals, mild nudity, bad photography, tourism, sexism, racism, purpleism gore, and scenes that may not be suitable for children under the age of 83. Viewer discretion is advised. If you experience any of the following symptoms -Nausea -Vomiting -Upset stomach -Random horniness -Thoughts of suicide while reading, or have a history of -going to Cape -being a raging pedophile -being a conservative radio talk-show host whose name happens to be Dan Gaffney you should not read parannoyance. We are not responsible for any items lost or stolen, so be careful where you leave your personal belongings. 4 tooth collector s|“the tooth is rotten, yank it out”

Origami birds [10 Mar 2006|09:25pm] [ mood | indifferent ] [ music | Vas- Bardo ] My edges have been worn down. No longer are bloodless little papercuts a worry. Now just a listless blowing, already grease-smudged by fingerprints. follow the patterns of the wind. I am melodrama, reshaped, flimsier with each transition. I am paper. A cheap metaphor that does not involve words. 2 tooth collector s|“the tooth is rotten, yank it out”

blacklights [15 Jan 2006|12:16am] [ mood | tired ] In the waking hour, I revel in my nightmares. I say to myself in a stew of discontent; “Where is the fun in happiness anyway?” Just like every faceless starshine every two-headed penguin, walking backwards. If only not fractured. missing pieces in ice-strewn ground. colors melt to asphalt butter I’m a child, hiding under the covers. 1 tooth collector |“the tooth is rotten, yank it out”

Nature and me T)($U5wa5)()W(*%)98wa8e480)(*)%$*W)(*#Q [03 Jan 2006|06:13pm] [ mood | Happy pills D: ] 3 tooth collector s|“the tooth is rotten, yank it out”

indeed. [23 Sep 2005|08:10pm] http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/ 6 tooth collector s|“the tooth is rotten, yank it out”

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